Another Day.....

Another of Mom's grandson's passed away...on Friday. Keith Miller...Delores' middle son...45 yrs old. Two grandsons died....one week apart...funerals one week apart. She doesn't know. It would be very hard for her if she knew...if she could understand. So another death...and I'm silent as far as telling her.

Yesterday....I met my cousin, Marsha, at mom's. Marsha lives in Colorado and visits Mom when she comes to see her parents (Mom's brother, Emil). Mom knew her and her husband! That is HUGE! Marsha said that she gave her testimony at her church recently, and Mom and I were in it. She said that there were tears. She also told me when she found out that Mom accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior at the age of 80...and was saved. Mom told Marsha in person. Mom told Marsha that she didn't want to write it in a letter but wanted to tell her in person. I never knew that. Marsha's daughter came to Mom's baptism...they lived in Owatonna at the time. I am so glad that Mom had a good 2 years before she got dementia.

The End of a Day....

Today was my mother's grandson's funeral....she didn't know. You see, I couldn't tell her. If she could hear, maybe I could have told her. Maybe not. How could I write on the whiteboard....Your grandson, Jeff, died. I think she'd remember if I wrote Gene. But she thinks Gene is still alive. She used to remember that he died. She used to remember that he was stabbed and died. Would she remember that Gene had a son, Jeff? When Mom used to talk about her dad, Roger and I would tell her that he died. I used to ask her, "How much older was he than you?" She knew...25 years. Then I said that he'd be 115 years old. Then she said...oh yeah, he's dead. Until...one day Roger told her that her dad had died and she got all upset. When I got there, she asked me if I knew that her dad had died. See, she thought he had died that day. From then on, we never told her that her dad died, her husband died, her son died, etc. So...I couldn't tell her that her grandson died. How sad is that... If she could understand, she'd be so sad. If I did tell her, she may have asked about a funeral and would want to go to it. I don't know what she would have said. They told me to take a bouquet of flowers for mom. So I took the flowers, but I didn't show them to her. What would I say...These are from your grandson's funeral. It's hard....my mom's grandson died and I didn't tell her. She also didn't know that he asked about her... a lot. Jeff called me quite often over the last two years. He called me to ask how Grandma was. He had called her a few times when she could hear. I know he would have liked to have seen her....but I think he was scared. When I mentioned that I'd go with him to see her, he said..."that's the problem, she wouldn't know me anyway."

Maybe people think it's a waste of time to go see her. Sure there are days when she's sleeping and doesn't wake up, but oh there are some good days. There are days when she has a big smile and will visit pleasantly. It seems those days are getting fewer & far between lately. So many days, she begs me to take her to bed. I was able to give her my gift today. She said, "For me?" After she opened it, she asked me if it was her birthday. Today I left w/o saying good-bye. She'd been begging me to take her to bed. I put some things in her room and when I came back she had her eyes closed, so I left. Ugh...I left w/o saying good-bye!

Today was a long day. Today was a hard day. I knew what was going to be said at the funeral. It was at a Lutheran church. The minister was a lady. I grew up Lutheran, but I learned the truth when I was 43 years old. Giving all of those people a false sense of security....I wanted to stand up and say....NO!!!!! That's not right....that's NOT what the Bible teaches. Instead, I sit quietly in the pew....knowing that God is sovereign. The Holy Spirit convicts people. I prayed about saying something to my brother, Roger, as we rode together. Maybe I could say something to him....like, you know that's not right - Baptism doesn't save anyone. You know when she said that God has made us his people through our Baptism into Christ....NO. No words came out of my mouth....instead, out of his mouth came swear words. I don't even remember what it was about. Saying my Lord & Savior's name as a swear word...at least twice. And what do I say....nothing. He usually doesn't talk that way around me. Must have been that false teaching!!! He is angry that our brother, Marvin, talks to me but not him. On the way to the funeral, he said that Marvin talks to me...The holy one...what??? So this day has come to an end.