A New Year

It's here....a new year!  Mom has been in heaven for 8 weeks.  I know that I will miss her and some days it will hit me harder than others.  Sometimes when I drive by Comforcare, I thank God for taking her home.  It makes me happy that she is no longer suffering and confined in her broken body.  I also hurt.  I hurt that I don't have my mom and I cry....like I'm doing now.  How can I be so happy for her and yet so sad.  It doesn't help that I'm "still" not feeling well.  I pray for God to give me strength and peace.  I need strength right now....just to get through the days. 

I miss her good days.......the days that she would light up when she saw me and told me to get a chair and sit by her.  A mother's love is so special.  A mother will do anything for you.  She loved me so much.  I am so glad that I was able to help her.  I was here for her after her husband died.  When she was looking for a house to buy, we made sure it wasn't too far from us.  It was close enough that I could walk over to her house.  Sometimes, she would meet me and then we'd walk to her house, and then she'd drive me home.  I was there when she started to have memory problems.  I saw her through various moves to unknown places; saw her through broken bones and a broken mind.  It hurt me that she couldn't hear for the last 3.5 years.  She never complained about it though.  In fact, she never complained about anything....except she'd tell me that her hands hurt cause they squeezed them so hard.  She didn't realize that they hurt because of arthritis.

I cannot help to think about what lies ahead for me.  But God says in Philippians 4:6 "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

and Psalm 139:16 " Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."