Happy Birthday!

Oh, Mom.... It's your birthday.  I love you so much.  I miss you so much.  I still have a hard time that I didn't go see you the last week of your life.  What kind of daughter am I?  For so many years, I went to see you almost every day.  You had such a good day the week before you died...on a Thursday.  You were smiling and talking to me.  You asked me to help you move.  I nodded and you said that you would love me so much if I did.  Did you mean you were moving to Heaven?  I went to see you the Sunday before you died, but you were sleeping at the dining room table.  It was Thanksgiving week.....what?  I was too busy to go see you.  I am so sorry.  I just can't comprehend it cause the only time I'd let that many days pass was if I was gone out of town.  On Thanksgiving Day, I got a call that you had bruises on your elbows.  They didn't know how you got them.  You had a sleepy day...slept through lunch.  You would have those days.....for a couple of years....where you would sleep for 2 or 3 days and then you'd wake up....hungry.  Then.......shopping took precedence on Friday.  Then I got up early Saturday morning.  I didn't feel well.  Hadn't felt well for 3 months.  I was sitting in the living room chair when I got the call.  The same gal who called me on Thursday about your bruises.....  She told me that you had passed in the night....when in reality you had just passed.  I didn't get to say good-bye.  I know that no one will understand how bad I feel that I didn't see you that week.  Even Roger saw you on Friday at lunch.  I was told that when they went to get you for supper on Friday that you were on your back....staring up at the ceiling.  Lisa told Atsu that she thought you were going to die.  They took you out for supper.  You took a bite of food and started to choke.  Lisa lifted up your arms.  You said that you were okay.  At noon, you also had trouble swallowing.  I didn't want you to go through the dying process.  I wanted you to go in your sleep.  And that's just what happened.  I feel so sad that I didn't see you that last week.  I'm so sorry.  I am so happy that you are not in your broken body anymore.  Happy Birthday!